Name: The Slayer's Guide to Rules Lawyers (2002)
Brand: Mongoose
Price: 9.95 USD
Availability: InStock

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The Slayer's Guide to Rules Lawyers (2002)

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Rules-Lawyers are an unexpectedly hardy breed of disgusting humanoid (at least in physique) creature. To all outward appearances they are a normal human being, like you or me, and it is only by their strange behaviour and by very close (often post-mortem) physical examination that they are revealed to be anything other than Homo Sapiens. Scholars are in agreement that Rules-Lawyers have been around at least as long as games of any kind have existed. Some go as far as to say they have existed as long as rules themselves have existed in this universe.
They are said to have lived among us, alongside man and his more primitive and slope headed ancestors since time itself began, waiting for them to lose interest in football and develop the wheel.

There is a school of thought that accredits God Almighty with being the supreme, original, Rules-Lawyer. What other kind of consciousness would have the necessary mindset and tenacity to come up with every single one of the laws of nature and physics, the way the biosphere interacts with it's complex ecological niches, the way the various chemicals mix and react with one another, the force of gravity, the laws of thermodynamics and all the other sundry little rules of the universe that we all have to live with day to day. Rules-Lawyers refer to this particular aspect of the divine as 'The Source', that from which all rules are spawned. The rest of us tend to refer to it as 'A pain in the arse.' Especially when we find ourselves dropping buttered toast or searching for missing socks in the back of the washing machine.

When the first amino acid chains formed in the primeval oceans Lawyers were there, tutting at their organic molecule cousins and telling them that they could not possibly do that. When a few primitive cells got together and decided to cooperate with each other, they were there, bluntly protesting that such a thing was impossible and could only lead to trouble. When the first amphibious fish fitfully dragged themselves onto dry land to test their flippers on soil, the Rules-Lawyers were shouting that nothing good would come of it and that it went against all precedent. After all, did it not say on page 37 of the 'Fish Scales & Clamshells' player's guide that 'Dry Land' meant instant doom to all who travelled there? In Egypt they ruled the land with their geometry and their religious laws, adding more and wilder gods to their pantheon and more and more religious observances until every day of the year was a religious holiday with full pay and the empire collapsed. In the Middle Ages they were the ones who sided with Prince John and the Sheriff Of Nottingham against Robin Hood (after all, he was breaking the law of the land, whatever his motives). Just this morning you may have met one of this ancient breed telling you . . .

'You can't park there mate, not even for just a couple of minutes while you unload. Its more than my job's worth.'

But it is not in 'Real Life' that they most make their terrible presence felt, reality is fluid, mercurial, changing, the laws of physics and of life have yet to be completely discovered and pinned down, opinions change as often as hairstyles, theories override each other on a daily basis. There does exist within the Rules-Lawyer's hearts the faint hope that on one glorious day all of reality will conform to The Rules and be under their sway but with Chaos Theory still in vogue the Rules-Lawyers are filled with such an abiding sense of dread that they find themselves seeking refuge in the one place they can be sure of how everything works.